6 Reasons Why Pumping Sucks (Haha…Get It?)

I wrote this post in August 2012 and never finished it. It was originally called “Top 10 Reasons Why Pumping Sucks”, but I’m just gonna crop it to 6 reasons and call it a day. Even though I’m not pumping anymore, the memories still leave a bitter taste in my mouth. It’ll probably take a few more whiny mentions before I get over it.

1. It’s loud. My husband and my mom have a knack for calling me while I’m pumping. As soon as I pick up the phone that grating ree rurr ree rurr sound stops them in their tracks and we’ll either try to suffer through the noise or they’ll ask me to call back when I’m done. It’s so annoying.

2. It’s expensive. I don’t even want to think about the amount of money I’ve spent on parts and supplies. I’ve been pumping into milk storage bags, and those come at $10 for a pack of 20. I’m using four bags a day, so I’m spending bare minimum $50 a month on storage bags alone. Because I use my pump so frequently I invested in one that would hold up to my demand, and that set us back a good $250. And that was with coupons!

3. You can get hoodwinked into buying stupid, impractical milk storage bags. I’m looking at you, Medela. I’ve been buying the bags that hook directly onto the pump, but they usually come with 2 adapters that I don’t need and end up throwing away. When I went to buy this weeks supply of bags I found a box that didn’t have the 2 adapters included. Nice. Well, imagine my surprise when I get back to the office and discover that these bags don’t hook onto the pump…they tape onto the pump. I know it seems petty, but pumping is a big enough hassle as it is. I don’t want to have to deal with peeling off little pieces of waxy paper and making sure I don’t accidentally fold the tape on itself or having to clean up all of the little pieces of wax paper and tear-off plastic when I’m done pumping. And it makes it really hard to see if I have a good flow going because the tape blocks the view of the flange. On top of all that I had an incident with these bags where I went to adjust the flange, accidentally tore the tape holding the bag on and the bag fell off. I lost all 3ozs that I’d pumped. I won’t lie — I cried.

4. It’s inconvenient. Having to stop everything I’m doing in order to pump is a pain in the butt. This is another petty gripe, I know, but this entire post is whiny and petty so I might as well complain about this even though it’s an inevitable part of pumping.

5. It requires a lot of trouble shooting. A lot of troubleshooting. I can’t remember the last time I’ve gotten good suction from my pump. I dread pumping for multiple reasons, but knowing I’m going to have to troubleshoot every. single. time. makes it really stressful. I have to try supporting my breast in every different way I can think of (Oh, just two fingers underneath? No wait, three. No wait, two! Kind of hold it up and back…no, no relax and support it closer to the nipple. Use the C hold. No, the U hold. C hold for a few seconds then switch to the U hold. Now do the U hold and hold it up and back…You get the picture.)

6. It will never relieve you the way your baby relieves you. Not for lack of trying, I know, but that doesn’t matter much when I’m trying to massage a painful knot out of my breast while also jumping through all of the hoops mentioned in #5.